College application personal statement: “Mmm… College Education”

"Mmm… College Education"

One of the greatest inspirations in my life is Homer. Not the guy who wrote the Odyssey. The other Homer, Homer Jay Simpson. Homer’s life is every man’s dream. He has a beautiful wife, Marge (the thread that holds the family together), a brilliant daughter, Lisa (who has straight A’s), an adorable baby, Maggie (can walk by herself), and a son, Bart (well, they love Bart). He has held every job, from a NASA astronaut (even though he was chosen by de-fault, “the two sweetest words in the English language,”) to Mayor of New Springfield (although he eventually lost all his residents to Old Springfield), to his full-time time job as a nuclear safety technician (while holding the record for most years as an entry-level employee). Homer has also been a farmer, a trucker, a grifter, a mascot, manager to a country rock singer, member of a barbershop quartet, an actor, a freak, proprietor of a snow plowing service, commissioner of sanitation, founder of a child-care center, a blackjack dealer, an inventor, a grease dealer, Kwik-E-Mart attendant, an adult educator, bowling alley employee, unlicensed chiropractor, founder of Compuglobalhypermeganet, a clown, a security guard, chief of police, Smithers, a boxer, and a bootlegger. Homer was raised by a single father after his radical hippie mother became a fugitive. He never graduated from high school or college (except for Clown College). Homer felt he didn’t need English (“Who needs English? I'm not going to England,” Homer said). Homer may not be one of the brightest apples to fall off the tree (mostly due to a crayon that lodged in his brain when he stuck fifteen crayons up his nose), but he managed to get a decent job in the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant and settled in the “upper-lower-middle” class section of Springfield. Homer knows what he loves- donuts, ham, pork chops and bacon (which all come form a “wonderful, magical animal”), Krusty Burgers, steak, honey roasted peanuts, all-you-can-eat seafood, and of course, Duff Beer. (However he was required to have triple bypass surgery, resulting from his love of the 3 basic food groups: the whipped group, the congealed group, and the choc-o-tastic). Homer has won numerous awards including The C. Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence (this followed Burns learning that Homer was sterile as a result radiation poisoning). He also was Employee of the Month (after his disabling obesity sealed a nuclear tank’s ruptured cap, averting a meltdown, which of course, he caused). His other accomplishments include, Springfield Nuclear Power Plant Belching Contest Winner (which he subsequently lost to the Critic), a Grammy Award for ‘Outstanding Soul, Spoken Word, or Barbershop Album of the Year’ (he earned that one), and high school reunion trophies (for most weight gained, hair lost and improved odor). Homer Simpson has met many of the world’s most famous and accomplished people. He met three former U.S. Presidents. (While Clinton hit on Homer’s wife on numerous occasions and he beat up Bush 41, he did manage to have a healthy relationship with Gerald Ford watching football, eating nachos, and drinking beer). Homer had a drink with physicist Stephen Hawking (but got punched in the face by a robot fist, after trying to stick Hawking with the tab at the bar). Homer went to space with astronauts Buzz Aldrin and Race Banyon (but spilled potato chips and smashed an ant farm, which then clogged the instrument panel). Like Homer, “I want it all. The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musty odors. And I'll never be the darling of the so-called ‘City Fathers’ who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about ‘What's to be done with this Homer Simpson?’ " Homer has done everything (except go to Harvard).

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