I just wanted to share my experiences with 72 hour hold/ CPEP/inpatient

I dont mean this to discourage anyone from getting help but I figure my experiences might be somewhat helpful to someone going through what I've gone through. Sometimes one try to get help isn't enough.

1) 1st 72 hour hold (4 years ago):

I had taken a lot of tylenol during a sleep walking/eating incident. Right after I had my daughter I was sleep walking, sleep eating, sleep doing random crap. I was only on vyvanse at the time, as I was only diagnosed with ADHD and PTSD. It helped with a lot of things but messed up my sleep which caused some psychosis. They didn't believe it was an accident, and held me 72 hours. It was boring but really not that bad. No changed to my medicine and follow up services were offered.

2) 1st inpatient (4 years ago):

My now ex and I fought a lot. During a fight he told me to kill myself, so being the drama queen that I am, I cut myself. It was more of a scratch. He called the police and they took me to the local inpatient. They diagnosed me with depression and anxiety, added prozac and an anti-anxiety and took me off of vyvanse. I was in there for 5 days. CPS got involved as well. There were barely any groups or therapy offered in inpatient. I talked to the doctor once. I couldn't wait to get out. When I got out I didn't follow up with outpatient like I was supposed to. I finished off my vyvanse with my new meds. That was the only time in my adult life that I felt truly stable. But without the vyvanse, I didn't feel the other two worked so I stopped taking them as well. That started the downward spiral.

3) 2nd 72 hour old (1/2017):

I had cut myself pretty bad and told my best friend across the country about it. A couple days later I drank a ton of vodka and swallowed most of a bottle of tylenol. I hinted heavily to him about this and then fell asleep. He called the cops for a welfare check. They took me for the cuts and the tylenol was discovered through blood work. I spent 3 days in the ICU. I begged the caseworker that came to talk to me to let me do outpatient and she agreed. Inpatient was terrifying to me. We have really horrible mental health services here. I followed through with outpatient but seeing a psychologist took too long. My primary would only put me on zoloft, which didn't help. I had a bad drinking problem at this point, but had quit as promised. That lasted a month.

4) 1st (real) CPEP visit (2/2017):

I slipped up and got drunk. I cut myself down to the muscle and needed immediate help. I had my neighbor call 911. I was taken to the ER and got around 20 internal and external stitches. I was belligerent and tried to run out, and attacked a security guard when I was stopped. They let me go in the morning. This is when CPS took my daughter and placed her with my sister. Shortly after I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. I had another mental breakdown and realized that if I didn't make a change right now, I was going to kill myself. So, naturally I ran off across the country for a month. I spent a lot of time really evaluating my life and what needed to be changed. I wasn't doing well, but I knew how to fix it.

5) 2nd CPEP visit (4/2017)

I had a full blown panic attack after flying back to my home state. I lost my debit card and had no cash. The plan was to take a bus to an inpatient mental health facility and check myself in. I had done a lot of research on it and it looked perfect. I felt how I usually do when I cut myself, so I asked some cops at the train station for help, and told them what was going on and where I was trying to go. They saw I wasn't well so they called me an ambulance. I was taken to the CPEP at a local hospital. It was a nightmare there, but the doctor I talked to was amazing. Its just all beds in one area, no separate rooms, no pillows, no toilet seats, people screaming, etc. The people being held there were very far from okay. It was actually sort of terrifying. The next morning I talked to this wonderful doctor who spent time with me discussing my options. He let me go on the promise id make it to my chosen inpatient facility. I went on my way.

6) 2nd inpatient (5/2017)

I managed to get the money for a bus ticket to the hospital 3 hours away. I was wiring myself money through western union online since I knew my card number by heart. This place was amazing. I stayed for 2 weeks. The therapy and groups were immensely helpful and they had groups on chemical dependency as well. Bipolar 1 with psychotic features were added in place of depression. The only downside was my meds were too strong, and I didn't start having side effects until after discharge. I developed tardive dyskinesia, and had terrible tremors that practically disabled me. I was on lithium, trilafon, clonodine, strattera, and paxil.

7) 3rd CPEP visit (6/2017):

I was still doing well with the no drinking thing, as well as mentally and emotionally. I was staying with my sister and her family, so I had a hard time getting privacy to work (I'm a cam girl). I decided to stay at a motel to have some space. Long story short, I ended up drinking with a girl I met there, ended up in another bad situation, and drunkenly cut myself again. The motel manager saw my arm and called the cops. I was taken to CPEP, where they took everything I came in with. For 24 hours I was in a room with only a bed. I was out of my mind with boredom and anxiety. I didn't talk to anyone there until I was moved to inpatient.

8) 3rd inpatient (6/2017):

From CPEP, I was taken up to inpatient which was the same place as my first trip. Barely any groups, no DBT, and no therapy. I was there 9 days, most of which were spent sleeping. I was taken off of everything but clonodine, and zyprexia and depacote were added. They must have forgotten to make me an outpatient follow-up appointment because when I called i was told I wasn't in the system. Now I'll have a super long wait to even get into intake.

I'm unsure how I'm even doing now. I no longer have tremors, feel like a zombie, or experience TD, but my mood swings are back. They're not terrible though. I'm thinking of going to another out of state facility that looks like what I need. My diagnosis as of right now is ADHD, anxiety, PTSD, BPD and BP1 with psychotic features.

TLDR ;

Help has mostly been unhelpful, but doing research on where I want to check in has been the most helpful yet.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: