1. Convene government-wide video 11am Eastern Time conference of all people holding clearance above (S) level. Mandatory attendance. Badge swipe entry. Note: this includes current and former elected officials who retain clearances. Honor Guard brings in American Flag, with others appropriate to locality. Weapons of Honor Guard are loaded.
  2. President appears on screen. "Please join me in the Pledge of Allegiance….Please stand [pledge recited]…Please be seated. Thank you for your service. As President of the United States, I am now signing an Executive Order [signs] that every one of you is required to submit to a replicate drug and alcohol test, today. I expect the vast majority of you to pass. If you do not pass, your clearance is suspended and you will be given the opportunity to enter a drug rehab program. If you decline to enter rehab, your clearance is withdrawn. If you refuse to take the test, your clearance is withdrawn. As you know, serving in a position of trust is a privilege and not a right. All administrative appeals will be expedited so that any positive tests may be confirmed with blood and hair sampling. You will now be tested by your site security office personnel. If anyone has missed this meeting for good cause, as approved by their site security office, they have 72 hours to submit to a test. Thank you, and God Bless America.
  3. Cue video of Nancy Reagan "Just Say No to Drugs" PSA.
  4. Cue video of American Flag waving and National Anthem.
  5. Cue video of Trump Inaugural Address.
  6. Go to 3 until all bladders empty.



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