Maybe if you didn’t steal my shit…
Where I work, we have a small bar/quicker service food counter along the side (trust me, it makes sense to have if you knew what the building is). We serve gourmet donuts there, and after a fairly drunk girl ordered her food, reached around the glass and swiped a donut.
She leans over to the girl standing next to her while she's paying for a beer and asks 'hey, want me to steal you one too?' but little did she know, the girl getting a beer is a manager here. She just says 'actually I work here, and I'm gonna have to get someone to escort you out'. But this is where it gets better.
The drunk thief walks away, so I radio to security to grab her. Figuring she isn't coming back, I go ahead and liberate myself to her paid food. Free dinner, thanks! Security goes to look for her for a bit, but she walks up with her boyfriend who has her held tight against him by the waist. I think oh shit, I just ate her food, and ask the chef to make it again.
She's forced by the boyfriend to pay for what she took, and while using the debt machine she suddenly blurts out "I can't believe it's that much for a donut, you're raping your customers here!! This is ridiculous, how can you possibly justify charging this much for a goddamn donut, you are raping me right now!!. I pause for a second, figure out exactly how to word this, and let out my most proud line to date.
"We have to charge that much to make up for people that steal them and run away" I keep a straight face, and the boyfriend bursts out laughing. She's still mad, but oh well. They go on their not-so-happy way with a security guard to the front door.
But we made her food again and she just got the boot, I'm thinking a second dinner.