SO and his cycle of behavior with working
I know that my SO may not be as awful as some of the ones mentioned here, he's probably BEC at worst. I mostly just want to vent to get this off my chest because this behavior is happening again for the third time. I pretty much told him off last night about his behavior and bitching with work.
My SO is currently on his third job since I've been with him for the past two years.
Much of his work history consists of military security work (he's been deployed three times), security work, security work, more security work, and one fast food job. The fast food job is something he wanted to try out after he quit a decent security job that he really enjoyed in the beginning but hated towards the end of it. Now he's back in security work. I promise this is all relevant.
The first security job he got when we got together, he really enjoyed it. They placed him in a decent spot for a long while with good people he really enjoyed being around and good pay. Then when they lost the contract for that spot, things just started getting worse and SO started dreading going to work because he's working graveyard shifts the entire time with no one to work with, no relief for breaks, and less pay. SO was complaining about it constantly, dreading going to work, he hated every moment of it, and I never heard the end of it so with a heavy heart I told him to quit and find a new job. He walked off that night I told him to quit. He didn't even give them two weeks notice. I blame myself for not wording it correctly and enabling him.
Then he found a job with fast food that his some of his circle of friends are part of. He thought it was okay, hated the customer service portion of it because he only wanted to be a cook. He did not want to speak to customers at all but the manager shoved him into it and told him he'll learn to like it. He stuck it out for 3-4 months, bitching, moaning, dreading, about the shitty manager to the customers, until he ultimately quit again with my permission (damn my enabling). This time he had the decency to put in his two weeks.
He was unemployed for a good three months. It took him awhile to get into sending out his resume and not being proactive in updating his security guard card. It was a bitch and a half to have to live paycheck to paycheck for those 3 months, trying to scrounge up money for his recreational habits (cigarettes and the devils lettuce lol).
Finally, he has his current job at high end stores. He deals a lot with tourists in the… higher income brackets, not needing to speak to them at all but it's a different kind of culture compared to us living close to the poverty line. The bitching, moaning, dreading is bad in full force and it's only been 5-6 months since he's been with this company. He's been threatening to walk off the job for the past 3 weeks.
I just can't wrap my head around this anymore. It's causing me so much stress to figure out how to placate him and lots of anxiety about going back to living paycheck to paycheck again. I've told him before that I needed him to stay employed for the next year at the very least but I can bet he doesn't remember me telling him that.
So last night, I was waiting for him to get off of work but there were customers who were so engrossed in talking about this product the store offers. He was visibly angry. I can see this and he just looks so done with everything. He starts texting me how done he is with working and how he's threatening to walk off the job because the store is closing later than he thought. So, I called his bluff, telling him to deal with it or walk.
He didn't walk.
It was a pretty quiet drive back home until SO says that he's going to get it when we get home, implying that I was gonna bitch him out. This is how the conversation went:
Me: Do you want to hear what I have to say? Or do you not want to hear it?
SO: Do you want to tell me?
Me: I'm giving you a choice.
SO: Just tell me now.
Me: Okay, fine. I'm not going to sugar coat this anymore. Do you have any idea how your behavior tells me what kind of person you are? You're showing me that you can't commit to a job, even if it's not shitty. You bitch. You complain, hell, you love complaining. I get it. You hate going to work. I get it. I completely understand but I'm not going to deal with you being unemployed again. I don't want to go back to living paycheck to paycheck again. It was hard and difficult providing for you and me. If you want to fucking quit, quit! Do it, but you better have another damned job lined up before you do. silence I'm done.
We hugged it out when we got home but he hasn't said anything about it to me yet. I'm hoping to get a response but we'll see. I'm done enabling him. I originally thought I was supporting him in quitting but instead, I was enabling him to keep failing at his job commitments.
Does anyone have similar issues with their SO and their jobs? Are there other steps I can take?