[COVERT OPS] Norwegian Nitwit Menaces Metropolitan Elite, Evades Erstwhile World Leaders

As world leaders congregated at the Carpathian Ball, Norwegian Prime Minister Kristoffer Tennfjord strapped on his suit. And then put on his dress suit.


Security was tight, Kristoffer Tennfjord noticed. He saw over a dozen Aegis Defence Services security guards walking around the perimeter, as well as tons of cops and soldiers from the Czech-Slovak Union.

"No worries, I've got 15 good men." He thought to himself, as he stepped out of the limo. As he climbed the stairs into the building, a tall man in a dark suit with an MP7 slung across his back stepped in front of him.

"Sorry, sir, but we're going to have to ask you to step through the metal detector."

"No hablo ingles" Kristoffer Tennfjord said, through a thick Norwegian accent. "Soy el Presidente de Noruega"

"Sorry sir, but I speak Spanish, and you're the third guy who's said he's the Norwegian President tonight. Plus you've got 15 guys with spears behind you, so that's kinda crazy."

As Kristoffer Tennfjord walked through the metal detector, the alarm beeped loudly, flashing a bright red light. The security guard picked up a hand-held metal detector, and waved it across Kristoffer Tennfjord's body. The thing went crazy.

Realizing something might be up, he looked around for nearby leaders, he called out to American President Lara Fiorenti, but she apparently didn't hear him. Luckily, Kim Jong-Un was nearby.

"Hey Kimmy! Fat Kimmy! Kiiimmmmmmmyyyy!" He called out, hoping to get the former North Korean dictator's attention. It would later be revealed that Kim Jong Un actually was denied at the door, because he didn't have his ID and looked underage, but he snuck in through the kitchen anyways.

Kim Jong-Un turned and made his way over, intrigued by the madman.

"Sir, do you have something under your shirt?" The security guard asked.

"No hay bomba aquí señor" Kristoffer Tennfjord replied, rather stupidly.

"Bomb? Did you just say bomb?" The security guard asked, suddenly looking rather terrified. "Oh shit."


A large orange fireball shook the building. Screams mixed in with fire alarms filled the air, as smoke billowed out of the building. Luckily, the Aegis Defence Services guards had kept Kristoffer Tennfjord out of the Carpathian Ball, and most of the world leader's were (somewhat) safe inside. Unfortunately, poor Kimmy was rather blown to pits.

As the ballroom was stunned, Kristoffer Tennfjord's fifteen guards, members of the Norwegian Berserker Corps pulled weapons out of their suits and began to open fire, in hopes of finishing off what Kristoffer Tennfjord had started.

The Aegis Defence Services fought back hard. A few of them who were nearby quickly responded, but were outnumbered and gunned down. Nearby police officers drew their weapons, but were poorly coordinated and not exactly willing to fight heavily armed soldiers with nothing but their sidearms.

As the Berserker Corps pushed their way into the building, they began to gun people down. The 20 or so Aegis Defence Services operatives inside the building met them and began to exchange fire. Aegis Defence Services recruits solely special forces members from the ranks of the SAS, Navy Seals, JTF-2, GIGN, and more, and were hardened with combat experience and the best training money could buy. They were no match for the fifteen Berserker Corps members, who despite the element of surprise, were gunned down themselves, and within a few minutes the situation was back under control. Security personal of various leaders were also present, and aided in returning fire against the Berserkers.


Unfortunately, a handful of world leaders were killed in the bombing and the shootings. Many of the world leaders were outside the hotel getting some air before the festivities officially began, and thus were exposed to the carnage. One can only imagine how much worse the attack would have been had Kristoffer Tennfjord not been stopped by the Aegis Defence Services.

The following is a list of world leaders killed in the attack.

  • Francisco Gonçalves (Portugal)
  • Her Majesty the Queen Sita (Tenasserim)
  • President Petrovich (Russia)
  • Roland Shimitz, Director of LuxCorp
  • Kim Jong Un
  • Kristoffer Tennfjord

Numerous employees of Aegis Defence Services and other security contractors were killed in the attack.

  • 8 Aegis Defence Services personnel
  • 2 members of the Queen's Own Guard (Tenasserim)
  • 1 JTF-2 member (Canada)
  • 1 Wachbataillon (Germany)
  • 1 Second Special Services Force (Columbia)
  • 2 local cops
  • Joseph Hale, Director of Aegis Defence Services was injured in the blast and has lost his right arm and penis

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: